hitback

The show is tomorrow.
If James and I knew where to find these outfits, we'd definitely be rolling in style all night.

Yesterday he dragged me to the bank to finally check my account balance, which I'd been dreading to look at for the past few weeks. I squealed and jumped triumphantly when i saw I hadn't even spent nearly half of the Superfad money. helloooooo paying for school/car wash/ bills/ buying badass outfit for tomorrow.

I've been working in Pasadena lately with Dave. We're both working on our portfolios. My drawings improve 500% when I work around Dave. He's my Pai Mei.

OK BYE.
hope I see everyone tomorrow.

pitfalls

but my mama never warned me




about my own

destructive appet ti t e

o rly??

peep the names.

!!!!

2/14/08

She is going to throw a fit
She's going to throw her fists into the floor and through the cabinet doors
tear all the posters and papers from the wall

The harmonious to and fro of everyday derailed,
now concentrated to a piercing, high-pitched frequency.
feedback from a blown speaker
the windows in her head begin to blow out

Do you need anything, love?
How bout you over there?
How's everyone doing here?
some water
some tea
a vitamin, a crayon
Here are some laughs
Here is a hug

But not today
not today, ok??

I press my palms into my cheeks
eyes shut tight,
taking long, frantic breathes
I try think of something funny
wipe this scowl away from the inside

the feedback, so shrill,
boring holes in both sides
as my fingernails rip desperately as my scalp.

I tell myself nothing is working and my frustration begins to spill out
I cant pull myself out of this hole
running in circles inside my own head

oh god , this feedback

Want to see something REALLY funny??
Want to see something that'll REALLY make you laugh?

Because

we're all having such a good time
I can teach you how to fly
I can help you touch the sky
then show you the right way to tie a noose

Let's test the durability of the bathrooms stalls
Smash our emptied bottles against the walls
Spew fire without a shred of guilt

Ill break the metal chains tonight
Wit as my shield, tongue as my knife

Take it all
isn't this funny?
isn't this fun?
let's all have a good fucking laugh

my tendency to wander off
when something grabs my attention
i'm so sorry babe,
I left you hanging

oOOOooo. It.

Feels good to be free.

<3

coastin along

what's up, nobody who reads this blog.

I feel like since being back in Cali, everything and nothing has happened.
I've been going on silly-ass adventures every other day, and the days in between scrambling to get a job.
I've made a goal for myself to never have another job that doesn't pay me for being creative. No more cafes, no more stores, none of that. I'm done. It's a little scary but I know I can do it.

Since being home, I've gotten 2 more paint commissions, caught up with so many friends I hadn't seen since moving away, am currently teaching myself French and guitar, and going to the gym everyday. good bye, 7lbs of Portland weight. Also teaching myself After Effects, which is a total pain in the balls but I know it'll be worth it.

It's funny, i remember the feeling of complete disdain I had for southern CA when I first moved away.
I hated it here.
well,..maybe not hated,
but completely spent.
The stupid clogged freeways, and the smoggy air.
The people, the heat.
those depressing walks down the streets of Hollywood at 1:46 AM after a night of drinks, friends' voices softly penetrating the drunken halo over your head, the sidewalk stars with some names you knew, some you didn't.
The hot, dry air.
The city. The anxiety of finding a place to park and hoping to god you don't return to your car to find outrageous tickets, or your car missing from being lovingly towed away.
The 405, the 10, the 2.
The Burbank lunch traffic.
The venues you were dragged into, to see bands play you didn't wanna see.
The suffocating pressure on appearance and looks.

I HATED all these things.

and now that I'm back, I'm strangely grateful for all of them.
Being away made me realize
I hate them because I love them.
And i love them because i hate them.

They are all annoying relatives that now that I'm back, realize how much I love. I want to hug the 5 freeway. And the Budweiser factory off the 405, which always makes the air smell like baking bread in the late afternoon. I wave at the Getty, perched on top of the hill, watching over Santa Monica like a wise old professor. The familiar Warner Bros. tower, the other studios embedded in Burbank and all the memories that come with them. Driving through Coldwater Canyon, telling the houses they still look great.

It makes me happy to see my friends beginning to scatter throughout the city into their own places. Their charming little apartments/shared houses in Los Feliz, Silverlake, Highland Park, and Culver City. And it's exciting to know I will join them soon.

This is where I need to be.
Thank you, Portland, for helping me realize that.

and we're takin some pictures or somethin

well 4th of July came and went. James and I drank a bunch of wine, watched a bunch of Deadwood, then barely made it to the fireworks at the mall. We had to park a mile away so we ferris bueller'd it over walls and fences, ran like hell, then shimmied up to the roof of Barnes and Noble. I forever take back any criticisms i made about characters climbing ladders too slowly in movies, because that shit is scary.




So amazing.
The rest of the photos are on my flickr.

In other news, I got a lead to a possible job opening at the Herzog/Oddball studio.
crossing my fingers.

in other news, i chopped all my hair off.



what's up, America

busy week.
Last night I saw Up with Todd (eh...Wall-E was better)
tonight is Sam's birthday at Citizen Smith in Hollyweird.
Tomorrow hangin out in Silverlake.

zoom zoom zoom!

-ash

<3